


Breathe Again

by TheNamelessMoonPresence



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Past Character Death, Resurrection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-02-09 09:18:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18635242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNamelessMoonPresence/pseuds/TheNamelessMoonPresence
Summary: Two and a half years have passed since the Team lost Laurel and they all still grieve.





	1. The Lifeless Live Again

“Hey it's been a while”

“Things been crazy lately so that's why I haven't been around so much” a hollow laugh punctuated her sentence as she looked anywhere but at the stone in front of her.

“Ok that's a lie” she admitted after a minute of silence.

“I haven't been around because...because...because I miss you”

“It's been hard lately...it’s been so so hard”

“Two and a half years and it still feels like I...like we lost you yesterday”

She reached up and wiped away the tears that had gathered at the corners of her eyes.

“We miss you so much Laurel...I miss you so much”

Felicity fidgeted with the rock in her hand and looked around her, the private section of the Star City Graveyard hadn’t always been Laurel's grave site, but when Black Siren had revealed herself to the public and pretended to be Laurel, Felicity had acted quickly and make sure no one dug up Laurel's grave and discover that there were two Laurel's.

Anger still burned inside Felicity at that, anger that Laurel couldn’t even get to rest in piece, they had to hide Laurel's grave away like some dirty little secret so that they could come and remember her.

Not that many people but her came here.

Quentin was gone, as dead as his daughter, and Sara was out somewhere in time and space playing Dr. Who, Thea had moved out of town, John had his own family to worry about and she still suspected that he felt responsible because of his brother, he was just as bad as Oliver -who couldn't look at the grave any more- in that regard.

Only one person was responsible for Laurel's death and it filled Felicity with no small amount of dark glee knowing he was worm food six feet underground.

She felt nauseous for feeling like that but it was impossible not to feel some sort of satisfaction in knowing that the monster who had murdered her friend was gone from the world.

She wished her friends could see it like she did, instead of taking on such horrible guilt that kept them from being here, she knew the grief that gripped them when they looking at Laurel’s gravestone, grief so cold and harsh that they could barely process it.

Her own grief was almost to much to stomach, Laurel had been been part of their team, part of their family, her passing had left a hole that couldn't be filled, no matter how much time passed.

Felicity had come to terms with the fact that her friends grieved for Laurel in different ways than her own.

Felicity's was coming here, to Laurel's final resting place, and talking, hoping somehow that talking now would make up for not saying what she had wanted to say back when Laurel was still alive.

Not that it would ever work.

She could talk as much as she wanted but it would never give her the release she ached for, she could tell Laurel's gravestone every little thought that went through her head and it would never make up for the fact that she hadn't dared to say three simple words that seamed so easy to say now.

Two years later and the words would still be true, how couldn't they be? When Laurel had mattered so much? No matter who she had been with since, be it Billy or Oliver it didn't change how much Laurel had meant to her.

If she had just told her the words back then maybe this ache in her chest wouldn’t be so heavy.

She reached her hand out and placed the rock on the top of the gravestone.

“It's hard having a Laurel around and it not being you...” she traced her fingers over the letters on the stone “Sometimes she even sounds like you...” she trailed of her thoughts turning to Dinah-Laurel.

She stayed for a while, just talking about everything that came to her, telling Laurel about what was going on in Star City, with Prometheus, Cayden James and now Diaz.

“So yeah things are still crazy around here...Oliver got thrown in jail but don’t worry we got him out...or well Dinah-Laurel got him out” she let out a huff and smiled wryly “You know for not having an actual law degree she's kinda good at it?..she's almost as good as you...almost”

“But that makes sense I guess...If she's even half the Laurel you were then she must be a pretty good DA” Felicity thought back to when she had went to Dinah-Laurel for help while Oliver was in prison, it had almost like having Laurel back if only for a brief moment “She actually asked me out on a friend-date -which she totally did no matter what she says-” she added the last part with a small laugh.

It had felt nice not being on opposite sides for once.

She sat there in front the grave in silence for a few more minutes before finally standing up again, she looked at the stone for a long drawn out second “I gotta go now but I'll be around more I promise” she gave the gravestone one last sad smile before turning around and walking away.

She was about the leave the private part of the cemetery when she all but ran into Oliver, she tumbled backward when she collided with him but Oliver grabbed her before she fell.

“Are you ok?”

She nodded and waved away Oliver's concern.

“Yeah I'm fine I just didn't see you I was...kinda caught up in my own mind you know?”

“Yeah I wasn't really looking where I was going either”

Felicity looked him up and down, her eyes landed on the bouquet of flowers in his hand, he noticed where her eyes hand landed and spoke up.

“They were her favorite”

“Yeah I remember”

They fell into a heavy silence, Felicity stunned at seeing Oliver in front of her, but an overwhelming sense of relief spreading through her at his presence, she couldn’t help but smile, so deeply happy that he had been able to come, for the first time since Laurel had been buried.

She reached out and grabbed his hand, she held it gently in her own as she looked up at his face.

“Do you want company?” she asked already knowing the answer.

Oliver wasn't the best at sharing his pain, she wished she could convince him that even though he had made mistakes, none of them made him deserving of feeling responsible for Laurel's death, at least that was how Felicity saw it.

Laurel wouldn't want him to blame himself either, she wouldn't want any of them to blame themselves.

“No I'll be alright”

Felicity held back a sigh at his response, she had counted on that being his response so she didn't push, she knew it wouldn't help, she instead gave his hand a final squeeze.

“Ok if you're sure...take care Ollie”

She let go of his hand and walked out of the cemetery, leaving her ex-husband to mourn just like she had.

She tried to keep herself from falling into dark thoughts as she walked home, chastising herself for being so out of it today, this was not the way to remember Laurel and her life, but this second year had been harder than the first and she knew the reason for that.

Dinah-Laurel.

It had been one thing to mourn her friend, that itself had been harder than anything she had had to go through in a long time but having to look at someone who had the same face almost everyday and being reminded that her Laurel was gone that was almost too much.

The sun started to set as she walked home and by the time she reached her apartment it was dark out.

She tried to get some work done when she got inside but still her thought kept returning to Laurel, after an hour of no work being done she gave up and leaned back in a chair with a deep sigh.

“Fuck”

She took of her glasses and rubbed her eyes, why was this so hard? No matter how much she tried she couldn't make her brain focus on anything, maybe it was her subconscious' way of making up for feeling like she had forgotten Laurel with all the craziness of Diaz, what ever that monster was up to, and Dinah-Laurel pretending to be Laurel.

In the end she gave up on forcing her mind away from thoughts of Laurel and give in.

Felicity pulled out her phone and went into the photo app, she scrolled down a bit and felt her heart clench when she saw pictures with Laurel in them.

She went through each and every one of the photos, just remembering, it felt both like a relief and also not, she made herself remember the good times instead of focusing on the loss of her friend.

She ended up looking at a photo of Laurel and herself, they had been at John and Lyla's wedding, they had posed for a photo with Laurel holding her phone over them both and had made faces at the camera.

Felicity smiled fondly at the memory, it felt like a lifetime ago that photo had been taken, so much had happened since.

She kept going through her photos after that, each photo pushed some of the dark thoughts out of her mind and replaced them with the happy memories.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there reminiscing but when she looked up she saw that it was closer to midnight than not.

Felicity put her phone away and went about getting ready for bed.

When she climbed under the covers she felt lighter than she had when she had woken up and leaned her head back onto her pillows.

Almost immediately she felt sleep creep in around the edges of her vision and she fell asleep with thoughts of Laurel happy and alive.

_She wakes with a gasp as her heart jump starts and her lungs fills with air before she is immediately choked by the black void around her._

_Her body twitches and writes in agony as her muscles wake from oblivion._

_Her vision is pitch black._

_She can barely move in the blackness of her world, she tries to push against it but it's hard and cold all around her._

_She's trapped._

_She tries to scream but her throat makes no sound as her lungs burn with the airless void that enters them._

_In the black void around her she feels the cold dark of death close in on her as she is choked out again by the darkness around her that refuses to let her breathe._

_Her body is on fire as she weakly claw and scratch at the solid dark in front of her._

_Her nails break and her skin tear and bleed as she fights the void and she screams again in one last desperate act to keep oblivion at bay._

_This time her throat produces sound, in the suffocating dark around her it is deafening, she feels excruciating pain in her ears and throat then it's gone, the darkness in front of her shatters and far above her a pale light shines down on her, the world around her is still an impenetrable dark but something primal inside her roars to life at the sight of light._

_CRAWL! LIVE! It screams from deep within her very bones._

_And she does._

_Her weak and bony hands reach out and rip and tear at the cold solid darkness entombing her, her palms gets ripped and torn bloody as the darkness breaks break more and more in front of her, it doesn't want to let go of her, it wants to trap her, it wants to kill her and devour her again._

_As she rips and break the solid darkness above her head it gives way to softer dark, the soft dark rushes in and starts to cover her as it slips in from above the solid dark holding it back._

_It covers her head, fills her mouth and nose in a bid to choke her, it covers her eyes to blind her and snuff out the primal fight, the will survive inside her chest._

_It almost succeeds._

_Her body feels on fire once more as the air is taken from her lungs yet again, she feels oblivion creep into her as she feels herself lose the strength to fight against it._

_It's cruel indifferent hunger eats at the edges of her until she can't barely feel anything else but the numb pain._

_And just as she's about to fade away her hands find a hold in the soft wet darkness beyond the hard darkness surrounding her and she pulls herself up with the last of her strength._

_She gasps as her lungs fill fully with air for the first time since she awoke._

_Most of her body is still inside the black void she had woken up in, only her head and right arm is out, the soft darkness feels different now, she slumps against it as she feels herself lose consciousness from the sheer effort of pulling herself this far._

_Her dead eyes look further up._

_The pale light is still far up, might as well not be there with so far it is from her._

_The primal force inside her is quiet now, no longer screaming at her to fight._

_Maybe the darkness had killed it?_

_Snuffed it out like it tried to snuff her out?_

_She starts to let go, letting the death at the edges of her vision seep in, but just as it is about to devour her she feels the voice in her mind yell at her, to keep on fighting, but is is different now, it's no longer a primal scream, it's softer, gentler but still strong._

_It demand that she keeps going._

_We Love You_

_The words echoed in her mind, a plea to make her keep going._

_She breathed in deep, almost choking on the blood in her throat, and pulled, she clawed her way out of the darkness she had woken up in even as her body screamed at the movement of it._

_The broken edges of the dark box she had woken up in bit into her skin and ripped the clothes on her, blood and dirt mixed together as she crawled her way out of the darkness and towards the pale light above her._

_Her legs shivering and shaking as she planted her feet firmly against the hard surface underneath her and digging her right hand into earth around her and she pushed herself up with all the might in her weak body._

_As she forced her body out of the box she felt the wood splinter and dig into her left shoulder before she felt her bones creak and then pop._

_Pain erupted in her shoulder as it dislocated and her left arm fell limp at her side._

_A strangled wail forced it way out of her ruined and torn throat, the pain was dizzying but she kept going, if she stopped moving she would die in this pit._

_She whimpered as she felt her right ankle bend in an unnatural way when her foot slipped and she slid down into a crumbled mess at the bottom of the pit._

_Pain blossomed from her shoulder as it slammed into wall of earth behind her._

_She cried silently through the pain as she reached up gain and grabbed hold with her right hand and started pulling herself up._

_Her shoes slipped off as she freed her legs one after the other from the coffin and pushed them into the hard dirt and pushed against it._

_The pale light above her grew closer, each inch of ground she gained felt like a loosing war, her body felt like it was breaking apart with each inch gained._

_And then just as her body felt like it could go no longer her hand grabbed hold of the edge of the pit and her fingers dug into the cold wet ground of the surface._

_The feeling of wet grass hit her cold fingers and she found the last strength within her to give one last heave and pull her upper body out of the hole before collapsing with a thud against the earth, the air being punched out of her lungs at the impact._

_Her body then truly gave up on her, her upper body out of the hole but everything from waist down still underground._

_She felt herself lose consciousness, the wet grass against her cheek as the calm night air filled her lungs and the voice in her head repeated the words from before soothingly as she lost the fight to keep her eyes open._


	2. Searching

“Laurel!”

The name passed Felicity's lips as she she woke from the nightmare, she looked around with frantic eyes searching for Laurel for a long moment before the last of her nightmare left her and she remembered.

Laurel was gone.

She rested her elbows on her knees and hid her face in her hands, she fought back the tears that pushed at the corners of her eyes while swallowing the lump in her throat.

It was the same nightmare she had experienced so many times before, it had been awhile since she had last had it, it had been exactly a year since she'd had it last.

Even now it was still the same, every single detail crystal clear in her brain, but that was because it wasn't a nightmare.

It was a memory.

It was the horribly deafening sound of a heart flat lining and the sight of Laurel's empty eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling.

“Stop it”

She shook her head trying to chase away the horrible image.

“She's gone”

No matter how true they were Felicity hated the words as she said them out loud, it felt like a betrayal, as if acknowledging them made the Laurel's death worse.

Nothing could make that reality worse than it already was, no amount of pretending, no amount of talking about it could make that cut be any less deep.

The cut was already deep enough to cut her in two.

She reached over for her phone to check the time, she couldn't have slept for more than a few hours it was barely darker than when she had gone to bed.

The full moon was slowly making it's way up the night sky, it's pale light shining down on Felicity through her windows.

She fumbled for a moment grasping for her phone, she held the device up at looked at the screen with eyes still full of sleep.

11:45

“...dammit...”

She groaned and put the phone down, she had barely slept two hours, no wonder she felt like crap.

She closed her eyes and laid her head back on the pillow, maybe she would be able to fall asleep again if she was lucky.

She doubted it however.

She didn't get any sleep last year either, the anniversary, as morbid as it was to use that word for it, of Laurel's death it seemed like sleep wasn't a possibility.

She wondered if the rest of the team was able to sleep, she hoped they were, John had a toddler so he needed to get all the rest he could get, Thea, who luckily was out of town with William, had been as close to Laurel as any of them had been, if not more, so Felicity knew that the girl was in the same situation like her, she had no doubt Oliver was.

Oliver was was without a doubt running around the city’s back alleys and rooftops doing anything but thinking about what tonight was and failing.

Just like Felicity herself was trying to keep her mind from returning to thoughts of Laurel, how she had looked lying in that hospital bed.

Lifeless.

Felicity curled in on herself, pulling the covers closer around her as if they could chase away the memories, they didn't so she instead tried to turn her thoughts to anything but Laurel empty eyes, she forced herself to remember how they looked when she was still alive, how they lit up when she smiled, the strength in them when she was in a courtroom putting away criminals or when she fought them as the Black Canary.

Filled with those images she started to drift off, the last image in her mind before sleep took her was Laurel smiling at her.

_She awoke with a gasp as she felt the cold wind chill her to the bone._

_She tried to force her eyes focus but everything remained as blurry as it had been before, she could recognize her surrounding from before, she was still halfway out the hole she had dug herself out of._

_She was cold and wet, her body was shaking, pain radiating from her left arm and right ankle, her throat felt rough and dry as she tasted her own blood._

_She mustered her strength to try and pull herself all the way out of the ground, through burning muscles and strangled whimpers she managed to get her legs above ground._

_She crumbled into a small heap on the ground in front of the hole as her body had no more strength left in it._

_Even in her delirious state she noticed the rain pouring down on her as she laid on the cold ground._

_She didn't have the will to move._

_The Voice from before was gone, the soft gentle words no longer echoed in her mind._

_She was alone._

_A pain blossomed in her chest at the realization, it dwarfed the pain in her arm and the one in a her ankle._

_After a while she managed to, with great effort, get up on her hands and knees._

_She looked around her, a lost look in her hazy eyes, the moonlight illuminated the world around her but she couldn't recognize any of it, her mind was a muddy pool of unclear memories that she couldn't understand._

_She couldn't remember who the voice in her head belonged to, all she could recall was a feeling of familiarity and safety._

_She had to find the voice again, she had to._

_Slowly she stood up on shaky legs, the pain in her ankle flared up as she put weight on it, somehow she pushed through it and started walking away from the hole she had crawled out of._

_She didn't know where she was going, but in her mind she could almost make out a place, it was a place had mattered to her, she knew it, deep within her, so she started limping in a direction and kept going._

_With each step she felt her mind grow more and more chaotic until it was impossible to form a clear thought, before her mind had only had the will to survive and crawl out of the darkness, then the voice had filled it, now it was a storm of blurry images and unfamiliar feelings that grew more and more volatile with each step she took into the night._

_She pushed ahead with single minded purpose, straining her eyes to find familiar ground and her ears listening to find the voice, but she couldn't hear it, she couldn't hear anything at all, the world sounded muted, as if everything was far away from her._

_She wasn't sure how long she had walked when her legs buckled under her._

_She crashed into the ground, pain shooting up through her body as she fell face first onto it, she laid on the ground in a crumbled heap as the pain took hold._

_Every time she tried to get up her limbs buckled under her weight and she fell to the ground again, abandoning her attempts to get up she started pushing herself forward in a combination of crawling on her hands and knees and simply pulling her entire body along by the strength of her right arm alone._

_She moved on still not sure where she was going until she was in front of a large metal door, even through her cloudy vision she recognizes it, she had been here before._

_She reached her hand out and touched the cool surface, the cold felt soothing on her broken and torn skin._

_A voice rung out around when her hand connected with the cold metal._

_She couldn't understand the voice, it sounded low and far away, but it wasn't The Voice, but it still sounded familiar and when the voice stopped speaking the metal moved to the side and revealed a passage beyond it._

_The space on the other side of the door seemed as familiar as the door, she had been here before too, although she couldn't remember when._

_With her legs close to buckling under her she forced herself up on her feet and with an unsteady gait made her way inside._

_The door closed quietly behind her as she got inside and she continued further in, her eyes tried in vain to adjust to the brightness, she was being blinded but kept forging ahead until she came to another pair of metal doors, they opened for her as the others had and she walked through them._

_The entire room shook and she felt it move down, it stopped abruptly and the suddenness made her fall to the floor._

_The doors in front of her gave out a muted beep and when they moved out of her way her mind was assaulted with memories._

_She grabbed her head with a pained cry as foggy images forced their way into her brain._

_She had been here before._

_She looked through the gaps between her fingers and looked wildly around the room, it was bright, too bright, it was empty, it shouldn't be empty, there should be people here, she was sure of it, the owner of The Voice should be here._

_Why wasn't she here?_

_She looked to the elevated platform in the middle of the room and her brain was assaulted by new images._

_She saw the blurry shape of a person, The Voice, The Voice should be sitting there, she fought to make the blurry shape become clear but it stayed unclear, her brain refused to show her the face of The Voice._

_She gave up on forcing herself to remember and her mind stopped hurting, she lowered her hand from her head and pushed herself up on her feet again._

_She limped into the bright room slowly, her body felt weak and close to giving up on her again._

_Her eyes searched the large room, still desperately hoping that The Voice was in here somewhere if she just looked hard enough, it wasn't but her eyes found something else._

_For the first time since waking her eyes saw crystal clear._

_Inside a glass box, not unlike the wooden one she had awoken in, was a leather suit._

_Her heart beat wildly at the sight of it, her mind was flooded with more images, this was hers, she could feel the aching for it in her bones, this had been hers._

_She moved towards it all other thoughts gone from her as she reaches out for it, she had to touch it, she had to feel it in her hands._

_She felt the glass underneath the fingers of her right hand, but unlike with the metal door this didn't open for her._

_Her mind went silent and her blood went cold._

_Why didn't it open for her? The suit was hers, so why wouldn't it open?_

_She pressed her hand harder against the glass but still nothing happened, inside her mind she was now screaming._

_She fell to her knees but her mind didn't even register the pain as her eyes stayed locked on the suit behind the glass, her mind filled with one single thought._

_This Is Mine._

_Her hand balled into a fist against the unyielding glass surface, tears streamed down her face as she began to panic, she couldn't get to it but she had to._

_Finally her mouth opened and an earth shattering scream erupted from deep with in her._

_The room shook and the glass shattered in a rain of gleaming shard all around her._

_She reached out immediately and grabbed hold of the suit, instantly her fingers recognized the feel of the leather, she pulled it close to her chest and buried her face in it, she remembered the smell and the feeling of the leather against her skin._

_She sobbed into the leather, it was a wet broken sound._

_She crumbled the last bit down to the floor holding the suit in a death grip, she stayed like that until her sobs subsided and her breathing slowed._

_Slowly she got back to her feet, she hadn't found The Voice yet, she had to find it._

_Still clutching the suit close to her chest she made her way out of the bright room, her mind was still a chaotic storm but now she could see the blurry image of The Voice a little clearer, a memory deep inside her lead her out the building and on a path to where she would find The Voice._


	3. Searching Part 2

Felicity was awoken by her phone's alarm ringing through her quiet bedroom.

She blinks away groggily and fumbles for the phone beeping away on her night stand, she grabs it and her glasses lying beside it, she gets her glasses on and squints at the bright screen.

-DAMAGE ALERT-

The words flashed red up at her and all remnants of sleep evaporated from her, she tapped the notification and pressed the damage report function.

-Security Cameras: Critical Failure-  
-Suit Containment Area: Critical Failure-  
-Command Center Structural Integrity: Severe Damage-  
-Bunker Structural Integrity: Minimal Damage-

Dread creeps into her as the program list off the damages, this was bad, this was really bad, someone had broken in and wrecked the Lair.

Why hadn't the security system alerted her before the intruders had started breaking stuff?

It didn't make sense, she herself had made and calibrated all the security measurements, she had heightened them as much as possible to prevent anybody breaking in ever again after Dinah-Laurel had more or less waltzed in like she owned the place back when she was still an enemy, not to mention when she had pretended to be Laurel.

Dinah-Laurel could still get into the Bunker, it had been a team decision to make the security system recognize Dinah-Laurel as a non-threat and allow her access, it had been a gesture of good faith, to show Dinah-Laurel that they were open to trusting her, but instead of making Dinah-Laurel her own security clearance Felicity had simply given her Laurel’s old one, since Felicity had never been able to make herself delete Laurel from the system even after being dead nearly a year at the time, Felicity had given it to Dinah-Laurel as a petty stab at the woman but after her vitriolic hate had simmered down Felicity had understood what she had done, she had handed over the last piece of Laurel that Dinah-Laurel hadn’t taken already, Felicity felt sick to her stomach every time she thought about it now.

Felicity tapped away on her phone, hoping the system could give her some clue as to who had broken in, anything at all, but the system didn't read any outside breach or forced entry, she gave up on finding one after a minute of frantic typing, instead she checked the system to find out what had happened with the Suits.

Had someone broken in to steal the teams suits? To blackmail them maybe?

Only one display had been broken into, Felicity typed to figure out which one, her heart stopped when she saw which Suit Display had been had been broken into.

The original Black Canary suit, Laurel's suit, someone had stolen Laurel's suit.

The thought rung in Felicity’s head as she frantically went through the system trying to find some clue as to who had taken it, she had to get it back, the thought of some thief having it made her stomach turn in disgust, what if they sold it? Or worse destroyed it?

The system still told her no one had broken into the Bunker, it was as if someone had had a key and just walked through the front doors, but that was impossible, only the team was allowed inside, well the team and Dinah-Laurel, Felicity's fingers stilled as her mind came to the only conclusion it could.

“No...she wouldn't”

Even as the words left her mouth she didn't believe them, the team trusted Dinah-Laurel, Felicity trusted Dinah-Laurel, after all the talk of wanting to be a better person, she wouldn’t steal the only thing they had left of Laurel, the only thing Felicity had left of Laurel.

Felicity touched the screen and opened the entrance log.

The name Dinah Laurel Lance stood firmly atop the list.

Rage burned through Felicity, how could she? Dinah-Laurel had taken Laurel's name, her entire life and now she had the gall to steal Laurel's Black Canary suit? After everything they had been through, after all the chances they had given her?

She wouldn't allow that, Dinah-Laurel didn't get to do that, she had already taken too much, she didn't get to take this, she didn’t get to pretend to be a better person, she didn’t get to pretend to be Laurel and then do this, she didn’t get to throw all of their trust in their faces because she wanted another piece of Laurel’s life.

Felicity got up out of bed and got dressed in a whirlwind of movement before getting out her laptop, it took her barely a minute to hack the city's cellphone network and find Dinah-Laurel, she was at Dinah's, ordinarily Felicity would have wondered why she was there but right now it didn’t even register in her mind.

She ran out of the apartment as fast as her legs could carry her.

_She walked through the night slowly clutching the suit close to her chest, close to her numb heart holding on to it like a lifeline._

_The clarity she had regained when she had gotten hold of the suit was beginning to fade again._

_But she fought to hold on to it, struggled with all her will to keep it from slipping away from her, she still couldn't see The Voice's face but a faded memory of a place flashed through her mind._

_If she could just find the place maybe she could find The Voice._

_Her mind failed to recall an actual location but something deep within her guide her along an invisible trail, pushing her forward even as her mind struggled, every step she took sent white hot pain exploding out from her ankle and she wobbled with each step taken._

_She couldn't stop now, her single minded goal of finding what she was looking for wouldn't allow her the rest._

_Her blurry surroundings changed, more light around her, it was dizzying and it burned her eyes, the muted sounds multiplied as she forged on and they grew louder, they hurt her pounding ear just like the bright lights hurt her eyes._

_She struggled to ignore the pain all over her body but it was a losing battle, soon the pain would overtake her and force her to the ground, panic shot through her at that thought, as if contact with the ground would make it open up and swallow her, trapping her in darkness once again._

_Then as she felt the pain in her leg grow to big to be ignored she found herself somewhere new._

_This place was familiar to her, even through her uncooperative eyes she could recognize this place, the Voice would be here, she felt it in her bones._

_In front of her was a set of glass doors, she reached out to push them open but they didn't budge, she pushed again this time putting her entire body into the movement, broken as it may be, into it, she yelped in pain as she pressed her dislocated shoulder into the glass, she leaned her body into the door pushing off the ground with her feet but her right ankle gave out under her and she slipped, falling into the glass with an oomph._

_The glass cracked and broke under her weight and she tumbled inside, a cry of pain tore through her as she landed on the broken glass._

_Her vision blackened for a moment as her left shoulder hit the ground and the glass shards dug into her soft skin._

_She writhed in pain on the floor, her twitching limps trying desperately to pull her away from the broken glass littering all over the floor._

_Her hand closed around something solid and she didn't feel glass dig into her skin there, she pulled herself that way, she pulled herself up on a flight of stairs and almost passed out from the exertion, darkness crept at the edges of her vision and her mind started to go blank._

_No!_

_She fought the push away the oblivion eating way at her consciousness and started crawling up the stairs._

_She was so close now, just a little more and she would be there._

_She huffed and gasped as she dragged her useless body up the stairs, they seemed to go on forever, her lungs burned as she pushed her body to the breaking point, she reached the end of the stairs and collapsed on the floor._

_Her eyelids fluttered as they started to close._

_She was so tired, everything hurt, no part of her body didn't feel like is wasn't on fire but she pushed it back, pushed the pain down and willed her body to keep going._

_She crawled on her hands and knees along the wall, she went down the hallway towards her destination, every other step she was forced to stop and catch her breath, but her body didn't fail her, she persevered, with each step closer and closer to her goal her pace got stronger, steadier._

_Keep fighting._

_Her mind kept repeating the words, like a mantra, each foot she crawled, each repetition of the words her mind got a little clearer._

_Each step made the blurry image a little clearer, it brought more memories with it, The Voice and someone else, someone just as important, their face also behind a wall of mist but she could feel them, the same way she knew that the suit was hers, these people were important._

_Her might ached as it tried to force her to remember._

_Names started to form within her mind, but never took proper shape, like her mind had forgotten how to just like her mouth had forgotten how to form words, but still her mouth opened and a low sound came out._

_It was a dull heavy sound, her mind couldn't recognize it, her ears couldn't understand it, but she kept repeating it until she finally crawled up to a door._

_The door loomed over her, like a monolith, yet another insurmountable obstacle in her path, she lifted her hand and banged weakly against the wood, still breathing out the sound her own ears couldn't understand, it was a name she was sure of it._

_It started low and gentle under her breath but as she kept banging against the door the sound grew until it escaped her throat as a scream and the door in front of her shattered inwards away from her._

_She looked into the space beyond it, her mind ached as it was flooded with familiar feelings and unclear images, she slowly crawled in, she stopped and looked around her new surroundings for The Voice._

_They weren't here!_

_Why weren't they here?!_

_THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!_

_She felt her heart sink as the words kept looping in her mind, the Voice weren't here, she had thought they would be here but they weren't, she was still alone, still alone and in the dark._

_Like the grave she had woken up in, like the grave she had clawed her way out of._

_Her insides felt like they were unraveling as she panicked, she hid her face in her hands as she tried to breathe, it felt like her lungs didn't work, it felt like she was underground again._

_But as she started to curl in on herself she heard voices out in the periphery, her damaged ears twitched as they tried to hear but they didn't work._

_Run! Get away! Her mind pleaded._

_She thought about staying there on the floor and let whomever, whatever, was out there come and find her, she barely had any strength left in her._

_But the thought of The Voice urged her on, urged her to not give up so she made her body stand up and move, she limped out the apartment and away as more and more voices could be heard._


	4. Her Name

The Dinahs broke away from each other when someone banged harshly on the front door, they were about to move in again when the banging continued, it grew stronger and more insistent.

Dinah growled as she pushed off the wall and away from Dinah-Laurel, she stomped over to the door and ripped it open, but before she could yell at whoever was banging on her door in the middle of the night Felicity pushed by her and stomped towards Dinah-Laurel.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! WE TRUSTED YOU!!”

Felicity yelled as she advanced on Dinah-Laurel, angry tears spilling down her cheeks.

Felicity's clenched fist almost collides with Dinah-Laurel's face but she catches the smaller woman's wrist in a death grip.

“What the fuck do you think you're doing?!” she spits at the tiny angry blonde in front of her.

“Give it BACK!” Felicity yells as she tries to tear her wrist from Dinah-Laurel's grip.

“What are you talking about you crazy bitch” Dinah-Laurel sneers back.

“Felicity what is wrong with you? What is going on?” Dinah tries to interject before this escalates but she is ignored.

“I trusted you! We all trusted you! How could you?! It’s the last thing we have of her and you steal it?!” Felicity screams at Dinah-Laurel, her face red and her body shaking with rage.

“What the hell are you talking about?!” Dinah-Laurel yells back.

Dinah-Laurel knows who Felicity is talking about, who else but Laurel, it's always Laurel, especially when it's Felicity, the woman will always blame her for being here when this world's Laurel isn't, no matter how friendly they had become, no matter how many times she helps them she will always be second best in their eyes compared to Laurel.

“Don't you dare play innocent! I know you took it!” Felicity spits out as she finally managed to pull her wrist out of Dinah-Laurel's grip.

“What?! I didn't take shit from you or her!” Dinah-Laurel yells exasperated.

“Felicity! What is going on? What do you think she took?” Dinah tries to interject again as she steps in between the two blondes.

This time she gets Felicity's attention, albeit only for a moment, as she turns to look at Dinah, her eyes still somewhere between red from crying and red from anger, before turning her glare back to Dinah-Laurel.

“Her suit...she took Laurel's suit! she walked into the cave used her powers to break the cameras and smash the display with Laurel's suit and steal it” Felicity said her voice calmer but still uneven with barely repressed fury.

“No I fucking didn't! I haven't been down in your fucking lair for weeks” Dinah-Laurel defended herself as if the mere thought of being in the Arrow Cave made her ill.

“Liar! The security system still caught you there an hour ago” Felicity said taking a step towards her.

Dinah grabbed her shoulders pushed her away, not so much to protect Dinah-Laurel more to protect Felicity from letting her anger make her do something stupid, if Dinah-Laurel felt threatened she wouldn't hesitate to defend herself and that would only end with Felicity severely wounded.

“Felicity that's not possible she's been with me all evening” Dinah said hoping to calm everybody down.

“W-what?” Felicity turned to Dinah.

“Dinah-Laurel's been here with all night” Dinah repeated slowly to make sure her friend understood her.

“N-no that can't be right” Felicity looked into Dinah's eyes searching for any sign that she was lying.

She took a step back when she found no hint of deceit.

“That...that doesn't make sense” Felicity muttered.

“I have to go!” she said before turning on her heels running out of Dinah's apartment.

“Felicty wait! What's going on?!.”

 

_Her body is numb, even as she shambles through the night, every other step her legs threatens to collapse underneath her own weight._

_But even while her body struggles to keep her upright she holds the leather in her hands in a death grip, she still can't remember how but she knows it was hers and that she had to have it with her._

_Finally she's up the last steps and her body gives out yet again, she hits the floor with a wheeze as the air is knocked from her._

_She curls in on herself still holding the thing in her hands close to her chest as if it was the only thing anchoring her to life._

_She lies on the floor still as a corpse, until she hears sounds from down the stairs below her, it's muddled so she can't understand but she's sure it's voices._

_With shaking limbs she gets to her feet and shambles down the hallway she stops in front of a door, it's familiar, but her broken mind can't remember why, she just knows what lies beyond this door was -is important- to her._

_She lifts her shaking hands, still clutching the leather suit tightly, and tries to push the door open, it doesn't budge, not even a little and she tries again and still nothing happens, she screams in frustration but her half dead throat only makes a strangled barely audible whimper come out._

_She tries to push the door open a third time, this time putting her entire weight into it, but her body is frail and weak -a shadow of her former strength- and the door still doesn't yield, all she manages to do is send herself falling to the floor as she trips over her own feet._

_Her vision darkens when her head slams into the floor in front of the unyielding door._

_Groaning she pulls herself back up on her knees, she slumps forward until her forehead hits the door, her body starts to shake with broken sobs, it's a choked foreign sound as if her body doesn't remember how to cry._

_She has to get through this door._

_It's the only thought her mind can form now, everything else is just blurry images and forgotten feelings._

_Finally her sobs start to rise in volume until the broken sound fills the hallway._

_She moves her head away from the door and screams, banging her hands on the hard wood, the door splinters into a million pieces._

_She falls forward as the door explodes into the room behind it, she whimpers as the broken wood scratches and bites into her skin when she lands on the countless splinters._

_With aching limbs she crawls into the hallway beyond the door, she looks up when she reaches the end of the hallway._

_She looks around the room with her unfocused eyes, desperation rising as nothing is familiar, the entire room is empty._

_It's not supposed to be empty, it's supposed to be familiar, this isn't right._

_Her brain tries to force the memories out, to make sense of this room, this room that's supposed to be familiar but isn't, even when her skull feels like it's splitting open from the attempt._

_Even through the excruciating pain she begins to see faces._

_A man older than her, a man she knows, a man that always looks tired and exhausted, no matter how much she tires to bring a smile to his face._

_A girl, younger than her, she lost her once, then twice, but she got her back and she hurt her getting her back so she had to let her go and it felt like half her heart went with her._

_This room that used to be full of life was now just an empty space, empty like her._

_She hid her face in her suit, crying into the leather, dry heaving until her throat felt even more rough and broken._

_Only when her body physically couldn't cry anymore did she stop._

_She pulled her face from the leather suit in her grip and looked at it desperate to understand what was happening._

_But it didn't tell her anything, she still didn't understand._

_This suit had been hers -it was hers!- she knew this, it had been her, it had been a part of her, an important part, it had brought her closer to the second face seared into her mind, when she had lost her the second time around._

_But she still couldn't remember why or how, she still couldn't remember why this suit was so important to her._

_She stays like that, on her knees on the floor of a room that should feel familiar but didn't, until she hears movement and voices behind her._

_Even though she can't understand what the voices are saying, her ears only catching it as muted mumbles, she can hear the voices are tense._

_She doesn't turn to them, she thinks they're outside, standing by the door she broke, she hears one of them step into the apartment, the voice is low and cautious._

_She stands up slowly when the other person follows the first into the apartment, he doesn't say anything however, letting his companion do the talking._

_She still doesn't look at them, instead she just looks around still desperately hoping her mind would let her remember what it is she hoped to remember by coming here, she looks out the window, the moon was slowly rising over the city._

_Finally she slowly turns to them as the first man's voice turns harsher, more commanding, she looks at them with unfocused eyes, like all her other senses her eyes aren't working right, even though she's looking at their faces she can't see them, it's like they're standing behind frosted glass, if she's supposed to recognize them she doesn't._

_But they recognize her._

_Even with her blurry vision she can see their shock, they both take a step back from her, the second man, the taller one lets out a gasp as soon as he sees her face._

_The air in the room changes, it fills with tension, like a single spark would ignite it._

_She takes a step back when she feels it, almost tripping over her own feet, she holds the suit closer to her chest, afraid they would take it from her for some reason._

_This time it's the taller one who steps towards her, he does so slowly holding his hands up to show her he means no harm, he speaks to her in a gentle tone, he stops a few feet from her._

_She tries to focus on his face, he's talking to her softly as if he knows her, but every time she starts to see him clearly her eyes feels like they're on fire and she has to blink and his face goes back to the blurry mass, so she tries to listen to him, tries to remember his voice, it is familiar, in the same way the room they're in is familiar, finally she manages to focus her mind enough to understand what he's saying._

_“Laurel?..it's me Curtis...can you understand me?”_

_Laurel freezes when she hears her own name, the suit -her Black Canary Suit- in her hands falls to the floor with a dull thud and her hands reach up to hold her head as it feels like her skull is being split open._

_She screams in pain as her mind is flooded with images, images of her life before...before she died._

_One hand comes down to clutch her chest where, a year and a half ago, an arrow pierced her and sealed her fate._

_She clutches her head so hard that her broken and dirty nails pierces the skin of her scalp and she can feel blood running down._

_It's too much for her mind, the memories bleed into each other as they force their way back into her, things mix together until it's almost as confusing as when her mind couldn't remember anything at all._

_She looks back at the men, Curtis and the smaller guy in the white hockey mask, they are stepping closer to her, she starts to panic._

_Her body tightens, her hearts is hammering so hard in her chest that it feels like it's about to break her ribs, her lungs burn as she tries desperately to breathe but she feels like she's being choked out._

_She screams._

_She screams so loud that the room shake and the windows shatter in a rain of broken glass, both Curtis and the other is send flying, Laurel runs out of the apartment before they hit the ground._

_She can hear their voices as she runs down the hallway but she is gone before they even make it out of the apartment._

_She isn't sure where she's going or if her frail body can even carry her anywhere but she keeps running, her mind a chaos of memories and feelings as she disappears into the dark night._


	5. Reunion

Felicity runs all the way from Dinah’s apartment back to the Arrow Cave.

Her mind is going a mile a minute with questions, it didn't make sense, the security system had told that it had been Dinah-Laurel that had entered the cave, but Dinah had vouched for her? So what was going on?

A dark feeling was forming in the pit of Felicity's stomach.

But she ignored it.

She almost tripped over the broken shards of glass on the floor in her haste as she entered the cave, she cast a glance over to the display where Laurel's suit used to be, she slowed down and came to a halt in front of it.

The feeling inside her grew, a voice in her head whispered every horrible thing this could mean.

She shook her head and hurried over to her computer, she refused to give the ideas her mind was making any thought.

She couldn't.

The computer came to life as she started typing furiously on the keys, she had to figure out what was wrong with the system, someone must have hacked it.

She didn't even hear the doors open as Oliver walked in.

“Felicity? Are you ok? A police alert said someone had broken into your apartment complex I went and your door was broken in and I couldn't find you.” Oliver spoke, worry clear in his voice as he walked over to her.

Felicity didn't respond to him her focus still completely on the screen.

“Felicity?” Oliver spoke again.

“That doesn't matter right now someone broke into the Cave they must have hacked us they tried to make it seem like it was Siren but she's been with Dinah” Felicity spoke hurriedly as she typed away.

Before Oliver could say anything else, Dinah and Dinah-Laurel walked in with Diggle just behind them.

“What is going on? Someone tried to break in?” Diggle asked.

“I don't know I just got here” Oliver answered as he walked over to the rest.

He gave Dinah-Laurel a scrutinizing look as if to determine if it had indeed been her breaking into the Cave.

“Don't you fucking dare look at me like that! I told both her and him” she pointed to Diggle “That it wasn't me” Dinah-Laurel spat at him.

“Knowing you I have my doubts” Oliver said voice cold.

“Oliver she's not lying she was with me during the time of the break in” Dinah said knowing where this would undoubtedly lead.

While the other four started to argue back and forth Felicity worked to salvage what footage she could from the security cameras before they had been broken.

The system still said it had been Dinah-Laurel that had entered, her genetic signature had been scanned as she had entered, but the cameras would give her a clearer image, but why would it make such a mistake? Cisco, Caitlin and herself had worked together to make the system even safer to ensure that things like this never happened.

She could remember when they had all been working on it, for when they had gone through and made the upgraded security profiles Cisco had barely been able, through the lump in his throat, to ask her if Laurel's old profile should be deleted now that she was gone.

Felicity hadn't been able to do it, it felt like letting go of Laurel and she hadn't been ready to do that then, nor was she able to now.

Her mind kept coming back to that fact, then as she finally manged to recover the last thing the cameras had seen, she knew.

The others looked over to Felicity when they heard her shriek and her chair clattering across the ground.

Oliver was the first to spring to action, with Diggle hot on his tail, he jumped over the railing of the raised command platform and in a few long steps stood beside her.

“Felicity what's wrong?” he asked worried.

Felicity stood still her hands over her mouth to keep anymore sounds at bay, tears streaming down her cheeks, her entire body shaking with sobs as she finally managed to nod towards the screen, she didn't trust her voice to keep from braking.

Oliver turned to look at the screen and his blood ran cold in his veins

“No..” he muttered when his eyes landed on the screen.

All three of them stared at the screen in shock as it showed them a video loop, clear as day, of Laurel limping into the command center.

She was wearing the dress she had been buried in, it was covered in dirt and blood and grime, her skin was pale and sunken, her eyes glazed over almost dead, her fingers were filthy from dirt and her nails were broken and bloody, her left arm was clearly dislocated almost looking like it was pulled out of it's socket and her right ankle bruised purple and swollen.

She looked small and frail, like a gentle wind could blow her away.

The video showed Laurel slowly making her way over to the display case with her suit, she looked at it with hazy eyes and reached a hand out placed it against the glass.

She stared at it for a moment before it was clear that her body couldn’t keep her upright and she fell to her knees, she tried to get up again but clearly struggled to even get to her knees and in the end she looked up at her old suit, the longing clear in her teary eyes.

After a moment Laurel opened her mouth and a high pitched canary cry erupted from her throat and the glass display case shattered and the video feed cut out.

As soon as the video cut out Felicity started sobbing even louder than before, the sound filled the Arrow Cave until Oliver wrapped his arms around her pulling her to him and let her sob into his shoulder.

“This can't be happening” Diggle muttered.

Felicity started sobbing even louder, her whole body shaking like a leaf at this point.

“We...have to find her, John” Oliver said after a moment of silence.

Diggle and Dinah nodded at him, Diggle still clearly shaken up, Dinah seemed much more composed though while rattled by what she had just seen.

Dinah turned her gaze from him to Dinah-Laurel, the blonde was looking intensely at the screen that had shown them Laurel, she was about reach out to her when Dinah-Laurel turned on her heels and walked out the command center.

“Fuck! Dinah wait!” she called after her but it was too late Dinah-Laurel was already out the door.

“Oliver...where could she be?” Diggle said.

“I don't know”

Before anybody else could say anything else Rene and Curtis entered the cave, they both looked shaken, Curtis more so than Rene.

“Ran into Sunshine on the way out seemed even more moody than usual so I’m guessing you already know what we're about to tell you” Rene said.

“Laurel is alive” Oliver said.

“Yeah we ran into her at her father’s old place, we heard a Canary Cry from block away and when we went to check it out it was her” Curtis explained.

“She used it to break the door down” Rene added.

“L-Laurel doesn’t have that power with out her gear” Felicity said as she pulled herself of out Oliver's arms.

“She does now” Rene said promptly.

“She used it to send us flying and ran away”

All six of them stood in silence after that, no one of them knew what to say to any of this, this shouldn’t be possible, there weren’t a Lazarus Pit anymore, Nyssa had destroyed it when Laurel had used it to bring back Sara, but it didn't look a Lazarus Pit resurrection anyway, it looked like Laurel had literally clawed her way out of her own grave.

“She used her Canary Cry to break the door?” Oliver broke the silence after a minute looking at Rene.

Rene nodded.

“Felicity's door was broken the same way”

“She seemed out of it when we saw her...she didn’t recognize me...I don't think she even recognized herself” Curtis said.

“What do you mean?”

“She seemed like in a trance she looked me right in the face and she didn't know who I was...didn't seem like she could even understand what I was saying it was only when I said her name that she reacted.”

“Then she screamed at us and ran off...after she dropped this” Rene cut in and held up Laurel's Black Canary Suit.

“I think she remembered then though”

“I know what she's doing”

Everybody turned to Felicity, she looked at the suit in Rene's hands with a heartbroken expression.

“First she goes here? Then my apartment? Then her dad’s? She's looking for us..she can't remember anything but she's still trying to find us” Felicity's voice broke again as more sobs over took her.

“And when she can’t find any of you? Or realize her dad’s dead?” Rene asked.

Silence fell on them all.

None of them had any answer, they had no idea where Laurel was right now let alone where she was going.

“The only course of action is go out and look for her” John said solemnly.

“Star City is a big city without any clues of her whereabouts we would just be wasting time and energy” Dinah sighed.

“We still have to try”

“She’s looking for us so she search places she knows where we could be or where she would feel safe” Oliver broke in.

“I’ll go to her old apartment, John you and Curtis go to the DA office, Dinah, Rene you two go to the police station she might try to look for Quentin there”

They all nodded and moved out.

Oliver was about to move out behind them when he felt a hand wrap around his wrist stopping him from walking.

He turned to look at Felicity who looked back at him angrily.

“I hope you’re not thinking I’m gonna sit and wait here!”

“Felicity...you saw her...Laurel is not in her right mind right now and she has powers she’s clearly not in control of, if she feels threatened or lose control she could seriously hurt someone and you are not trained to fight a metahuman”

“I DON’T CARE! It’s Laurel!” Felicity yelled before her voice grew smaller “...It’s Laurel, Oliver...you cannot tell me stay behind on this one...I won’t”

The last two words were soft, almost akin to a plea, Oliver looked at her with a pained expression, he was scared, he couldn't bear it if Felicity got hurt, Laurel would never hurt any of them, Felicity most of all, but Laurel was was scared and in pain, Oliver had no idea how she would react when they found her, his heart was breaking knowing Laurel was out there hurt and alone, but he was also scared of putting any one in danger, he knew it would kill Laurel if she accidentally hurt any of them, so he had to minimize the threat to them all.

He had to get Laurel home, it was his responsibility, she was was his responsibility, he had to be the one who got her home safe and sound.

“I’m sorry Felicity” was all he said before pulling his wrist out of Felicity’s grip and hurrying out of the Bunker.

“Oliver!” she called after him as he ran off.

She let out a frustrated scream as he disappeared, cursing at him in every language she new, even if somewhere in the back of her mind she understood his reasoning she was furious that he thought he could just tell her to stay put as if Laurel wasn’t her friend that she didn’t worry just as much about Laurel as he did.

She ran her hands through her hair and let out a shaky breath, her eyes were drawn to her monitor, the monitor that had shown them Laurel, her eyes lingered on it for a moment before determination flashed in her eyes.

“Screw this, I’m coming Laurel just hang on” and then she was out the Bunker as quickly as her legs could carry her.

_Laurel wandered aimlessly through the streets, she had given up on finding her friends, they were gone, lost to her, she didn’t know what to do or where to go now, where could she go?_

_She didn’t even know where she was anymore, this world wasn’t right, it couldn’t be right._

_The world was empty without her friends and family._

_She kept walking until noises to her right made her stop, she looked up and saw that she was standing in front of a large store window, on the other side of the glass the light of a Flat screen TV nearly blinded her, she turned away from the light but just as she turned away she saw her own name on the screen._

_She turned back to the TV._

_She stood still as she reread the name at the bottom of the screen again and again not understanding what she was reading, but there it was “Dinah Laurel Lance – Star City DA” written in big bold letters and above it she was, being interviewed, her face, her clothes, her eyes, her smile, but it wasn’t her._

_This person -this Laurel- wasn’t her, she was all wrong, her smile was closer to a smirk, her eyes were hard and cool, her entire posture was calmer and more regal than Laurel herself had ever been._

_Laurel felt like she had been doused in ice water, what was happening? That wasn’t her, she had never been District Attorney, she had only been Assistant DA, but then who was this person? Who was this Laurel? This Laurel who was DA, this Laurel who looked alive and strong when she herself was not? Then it clicked, she finally understood where she was._

_This was hell._

_It had to be, she was being punished for her sins, she had died and now she was being punished in hell, she had clawed her way out of her own grave to find herself so utterly alone and an impostor wearing her face, she had died and the world hadn’t even cared._

_She had been cast aside, left in darkness yet again, but this time she had been replaced, another Laurel walking around pretending to be her._

_Oblivion was better than this._

_“Hey lady are you ok? You look hurt do you need help?”_

_Laurel’s head snapped up at the voice, two women stood in front of her, they both looked concerned, Laurel stumbled backwards when one of them took a step towards her, she tripped over her own feet and landed on the hard sidewalk knocking the air from her lungs, both of the women gasped and moved to help her but as they did Laurel scrambled away from them with the panic of a wounded animal, without meaning to she opened her mouth to scream and the night air vibrated with her Canary Cry, but in her lack of control she had managed to aim it away from them and the two women shrieked in fright and fell back._

_Laurel got to her feet and ran._

_She didn’t stop running until her legs gave out and she fell to the ground, she didn’t know how long she had ran but when she looked up she was in a familiar environment, she knew this place, she had stopped in this parking lot many times, to visit Sara's grave._

_She caught her reflection in a car window shuddered at the woman looking back at her._

_She could barely recognize her own image._

_Her skin was pale and sunken and her eyes held no signs of life, she looked as empty and dead as she had felt when she had thought she had lost Sara to the Pacific Ocean._

_Her head shot up when she heard the sound of boots hitting asphalt somewhere behind her, she spun around and saw the impostor, the one who walked around with her face._

_But she was different now that she could see her in person, she looked like her but different still, she looked sharper, harder, taller even, but yet so much like her now that she stood in front of her and not on a TV screen._

_“Calm down I won't hurt you” the other her said softly._

_The softness of her voice seemed unfitting for her appearance, this hard Laurel looked like she wouldn't be capable of such softness._

_Laurel started crying as she looked at her face, she had been wrong earlier, it wasn’t the impostor's face that had been wrong it was her own that was wrong, this woman in front of her wasn't a pale imitation of a person like herself._

_Maybe she was the impostor and this other Laurel was the real one, she must be, she hadn't crawled her way out of her own grave._

_The other Laurel took a few steps towards her, her hands up to show her she meant no harm._

_“I know you’re looking for your friends I can take you to them” the other Laurel said as she kept moving slowly closer._

_Laurel shook her head, that couldn't be right, she didn't have anybody, how could she? She had died and the world had moved on, they had left her behind and now they had this new Laurel who wasn't a monster come back from the dead, a new Laurel who hadn’t died._

_Laurel's hands clutched her head as the painful memory of Darhk shaving an arrow into her chest, she gasped as she had done back then, it felt like she couldn’t breathe, like she was drowning in her own blood._

_“Laurel listen to me you’re hurt you need help.”_

_Laurel looked up to look at her doubleganger, she felt her chest freeze as she saw that instead of the other Laurel stood Damian Darhk, cruel smirk on his wicked face and a bloody arrow in his hand._

_Only one thought went through in her mind then._

_RUN._

_She let out a scream and Darhk turned back into the other Laurel as she was sent flying from the force._

_Laurel clasped her hands over her mouth in shock over what she had done, she hadn't meant to hurt the other Laurel, she had lost control._

_“Fuck that hurt” the other Laurel hissed through her teeth as she got back up on her feet._

_Laurel felt her panic rise again._

_In the blink of an eye she turned and ran off into the cemetery._

_“Wait!” the other Laurel yelled after her but Laurel didn't stop._

_She ran until she tripped over a tombstone and fell face first into the ground, she tried to get up again but her body was too weak at this point._

_She finally managed to get up on her hands and knees, she was cold and tired, and as it started pouring rain from the sky, also wet._

_She couldn't run anymore but she needed to get away, so she started crawling through the mud, she crawled until her muscles felt like they were on fire._

_Laurel looked up and saw where she was._

_She was back at where she had woken up when this nightmare began, she was back at her grave, where she had clawed her way out of the ground._

_She looked at her name carved in the stone, reaching out and tracing her fingers over the letters she read the words over and over._

_She looked at the dates, how long had it been? She could still feel the arrow pierce her skin, still feel her body giving up in the hospital bed and yet it felt like such an achingly long time ago._

_Her eyes ended up at the words at the bottom of the tombstone -The Black Canary- her title, her purpose, the legacy she had taken up after she had lost Sara the second time, she knew it had been a choice that could easily end up killing her and in the end it had._

_But here she still was._

_Seems like death didn't know how to hold on to the Lances sisters._

_She moved closer to the tombstone, until her knees hit the cold smooth stone, she wrapped her arms around herself in a vain attempt to keep warm, part of her knew she should get out of the rain but she didn't know where to go anymore, she leaned her head against the stone breathed in._

_She just wanted stop._

_She just wanted to close her eyes and let go._

_More than anything she didn't want to be alone, but she was, she always was, first she lost Sara and herself with her, then when she got her little sister back she had to figure out who she was without that enormous hole in her heart._

_Then when she started figure out who that was she lost Sara again, and the hole grew even bigger than before and she wasn't sure she could survive it, but she did, Felicity saved her, she saved her with kindness and words she never thought could mean so much._

_You Have A Light Inside You._

_Laurel had survived and lived, she had gotten her sister back yet again and more than that she had gotten herself back, she had found away to fill her heart, she had even managed to find someone to share it with but then she had lost it all._

_She had to let her sister go yet again, this time to save her, this time to save Sara from the darkness that was consuming her, Sara had to find her own place in the world outside of Laurel, outside of what her life had become after the Queen's Gambit sank, Laurel had no choice to let her go, no matter how much it killed Laurel inside._

_But still she wasn't alone, Felicity was still there, but before Laurel had a chance to tell Felicity how much that had meant the team had to go stop Darhk and then Laurel's fate had been sealed._

_Fated to lie in a hospital bed trying so hard to make the words come out, to make sure Felicity knew what she felt but unable to before her heart stopped._

_But now it was beating again, her heart was beating again, but she didn't feel like she was living, she empty and alone again, like she had done so many times before in her life and this time it felt like it was going to destroy her._

_“Laurel?”_

_Laurel's eyes widened as she heard her name being called, The Voice, Felicity's voice, gentle and soft as if not believing Laurel was there, but to Laurel Felicity might as well have shouted her name, the sound washing over her until all there was room for in her head was Felicity's voice._

_No._

_This wasn't real, it couldn't be, she had searched all over for her and she hadn't found her, only empty spaces mocking her loneliness with their coldness._

_No Felicity wasn't here, this was a trick of her broken mind, fooling her once more to finally make her crumble._

_“Laurel? Laurel talk to me please”_

_It sounded closer this time, more pleading._

_Laurel clenched her eyes shut, shaking her head wildly to chase away the voice, to chase away the false hope, Felicity wasn't here, she wouldn't believe it, she couldn't believe it, for if she looked back and her friend wasn't there she wouldn't be able to take it._

_“Laurel please it it's me I'm right here”_

_Closer still the voice felt like like it was now right behind her, she clasped her right hand over her right ear and folded in on herself in a desperate attempt to tune out the voice, tears streaming down her face as her heart broke, her lips were trembling, a plea to make the voice go away dying on them before ever coming close to being said, for even now she couldn't tell Felicity to go away, even if she was only a figment of Laurel's imagination._

_“Laurel...please...look at me”_

_Her eyes shot open and heart skipped a beat as she felt gentle hands grasp her own, they held her so tight even though the were shaking as much as her own hand was._

_“Laurel”_

_Her name sounded more a plea than any of the ones before and Laurel had no choice but to turn her face and look up into Felicity’s eyes._

_Blue met blue and Laurel couldn't deny it any more._

_Felicity was here, right in front of her, tears running down her cheeks as she looked at her like she was a miracle, Laurel didn't feel like a miracle, she felt dirty, she felt wrong._

_She shrank away from Felicity, from Felicity's light, how could she even begin to look at her when her own light had been snuffed out? The light Felicity herself had told Laurel she had, she had lost it and that felt like betrayal to Felicity._

_“Don't...please don't turn away from me”_

_Laurel gasped weakly when she felt Felicity's hands on her face, the physical contact felt like it was going to burn her skin, but she couldn't bring herself to pull away._

_“Fel..Felicity don't...I-I-I'm not right s-something is wrong with...some thing is wrong with me”_

_Her body shook as she tried to keep herself from fully breaking down, her lower lip quivering as her voice breaks on her own words._

_She feels her breath catch as Felicity's hands pull her in and her heart stops as the woman's arms wrap around her, holding her so close to her that they might as well be one being, with one arm around her middle and the other around her shoulder to cradle Laurel's head._

_“It's ok...I got you...I got you Laurel... no matter what you're still our Laurel we love you no matter what...I love you no matter what”_

_And that does it._

_Everything Laurel had held within her comes rushing out, every feeling inside, the fear when Darhk had held her with his magic, the pain when he had stabbed her with Oliver's arrow, being choked as she drowned in her own blood, waking up buried underground in her coffin, every single feeling came rushing out, she couldn't stop it even if she wanted to, she clung to Felicity like she was the only thing holding her together, Laurel was sure she was._

_Felicity kept repeating the words over and over again, it was all she could do as she held Laurel as close to her as she humanly could, her heart breaking as she listened to her friend's broken sobs._

_They stayed like that until Laurel's cries lessened, her body simply could cry anymore and she felt herself black out._

_The last thing she heard as she lost consciousness was Felicity calling her name._


	6. Family

Felicity feel panic run through her as Laurel's impossible tight grip on her loosen and her friend become dead weight in her arms.

“Laurel?! Laurel wake up”

She tried to get Laurel's unconscious body up off the ground and into her lap, but she couldn't get her completely off the ground since Laurel was bigger than her, she turned her around in her arms so she could see her face.

“Laurel! Laurel answer me please” 

She shook Laurel trying to wake her up but Laurel didn't open her eyes, Felicity brought her hand up to check Laurel's pulse, it was weak, so terrifyingly weak that Felicity's own heart stopped momentarily.

She had to get her to a hospital, she wasn't going to lose Laurel again, never again.

Even in her atrophied state Laurel is heavy in Felicity's arms as she get up on her feet, a death grip on the other woman as she carries her away from the grave behind them.

“Let me”

Felicity looks up and sees Dinah-Laurel in front of her, instinctively Felicity holds tighter onto Laurel in a gesture of protectiveness.

“You can barely keep yourself up let alone the both of you” 

Dinah-Laurel's words are true, Felicity knows this, she might have started to work out so she could protect herself but she wasn't strong like the rest of them, but she wasn't about to let go of Laurel.

“For fucks sake we don't have time for this! She needs a hospital and she needs it now!”

Unable to argue Felicity bites back a frustrated sound and lets Dinah-Laurel take Laurel from her arms, her eyes never leaving her friends face as Dinah-Laurel adjust her grip on the unconscious woman.

“Come on” 

Dinah-Laurel sets of with Felicity right behind her.

They reach the emergency room fifteen minutes later, both of them winded as they rush through the front doors.

“Help please!” 

Felicity yells and a nurse turns around to them and rushes over.

“What happened?” she asks them before focusing on the unconscious Laurel and checking for a pulse.

“She's lost a blood her left shoulder is dislocated and her right ankle is broken she's been wandering barefoot around for a while her body temperature is very low”

Felicity looked at Dinah-Laurel as the woman calmly but hurriedly listed Laurel's symptoms.

The nurse nodded and called for a trauma team.

“Put her on the bed we got her from here” 

Dinah-Laurel did as the nurse told her to and gently lowered Laurel onto the gurney before stepping back as the medical staff wheeled Laurel away.

The two women were left standing in silence, Dinah-Laurel could hear Felicity's breath catch every exhale she made clearly trying to keep herself from crying.

“Thanks”

Felicity's voice was so small and quiet that Dinah-Laurel almost didn't hear the word, she looked at the smaller woman out of the corner of her eye, Felicity eyes weren't on her they still stared at the spot Laurel had been when she disappeared behind the doors into the OR.

“I...I don't think I could have gotten her here in time myself”

“After all we’ve been through did you really think I wasn’t gonna help?” 

Felicity had the good sense to feel bad, she and Dinah-Laurel had worked hard to find a place where they could be friendly, might even go so far as calling them friends but at the barest hint of deceit Felicity had been ready to throw all that out the window, she hoped she would be able to apologize to Dinah-Laurel proper but right now it was hard to formulate an apology when when Laurel was once again on death's door in a hospital.

All Felicity could think about was the last time this had happened and how it had ended.

With a flat-line and Laurel's empty eyes staring up at the ceiling.

Before her brain could imagine the scenario where this time ended like the last Felicity heard her name being called from somewhere behind her.

As Oliver and the rest of the team walked through the doors Felicity felt something close to relief but now it was truly like last time, all of them here and not one of them had any power to help Laurel.

Felicity launched herself into Oliver's arms as soon as he was close to her, she cried into his chest even as she tried to keep the tears at bay, Oliver closed his arms protectively around her and held her.

“She's-she's in surgery”

It was all Felicity could get out, she felt Oliver's breathing stopping for a short moment and heard John let out a heavy breath.

It was just as horribly familiar to them as it was to her, but they could do nothing about it, all they could do was sit and wait, wait for Laurel to pull through.

“We should call Sara”

Felicity moved out of Oliver’s embrace and look up at him.

“She has to know now...we didn’t tell her back when...when Laurel died we can’t wait like last time”

“Of course” Oliver nodded, “but how? We have no way of contacting her”

Felicity was about to tell him that Cisco had made a device capable of contacting both The Legends and Kara’s earth back when they had fought the Dominators, but before she could open her mouth the doors behind them opened up.

They all looked up and saw Sara standing there, out of breath and her eyes frantic, scanning over them all, searching for Laurel.

“Sara”

Oliver tried to speak but Sara didn't even acknowledge him as she rushed past him and Felicity bee lining for the room the doctors had taken Laurel.

“Laurel!”

She called out as she ripped the doors open, none of them had ever heard Sara sound like that, so small and scared, a little girl's desperate hope to be reunited with her sister.

Both Oliver and John, as if woken up from the shock of seeing Sara, sprung into action ready to pull her away from the doors but they both stopped when they saw Sara wasn’t moving further into the OR, they both moved to stand beside her a hand each on her shoulders.

“Sara”

Oliver said softly but Sara wasn't listening to him, she just kept staring at the doctors and nurses trying to save her sister, Felicity stepped in between Sara and the doors, making eyes contact and holding up her hands.

“Sara”

Felicity echoed Oliver's words just as softly hoping to get through to her friend, Sara looked up into Felicity’s eyes, her pain mirrored in them and Felicity desperately searched to find the right words to say, but what could she say? What could she say to make this better?

Felicity saw the tears well up in Sara's eyes before she broke, collapsing to her knees as she started sobbing, Felicity moved in her hugged her close as she cried.

The next few hours went by unbearably slow as they sat around waiting, Sara had stopped crying but her eyes hadn't moved from the door to the OR, Felicity sat beside her on her right and Dinah-Laurel on her left, Oliver was pacing back and forth in front of them and the rest sitting around them.

Then the doors opened up and one of the doctors walked out.

“We've stabilized her, we've reconnected her shoulder and did what we can for her ankle but both injuries were very severe and we can't say for sure if she will have permanent damage and to what degree before she wakes up we've given her a strong anesthetic so she will be out for a while we're gonna take her to observation...but she should be out of the woods” 

She turned from them and opened the doors behind her.

Both Sara and Felicity jumped up out of their seats as and orderly wheeled Laurel out of the room, Sara followed him all the way to Laurel's room not letting her sister out of her sight.

The doctor was about to call after her, no undoubtedly to tell her to give the orderly room but Felicity cut her off.

“Please it's her big sister”

The doctor looked like she was going to argue bit she didn't, she looked over to Dinah-Laurel clearly trying to figure out how she had just operated on Laurel Lance, the Star City DA, after a woman with the exact same face had brought her in, Dinah-Laurel could all but read the question on the Doctor's mind and spoke up.

“Twins...” she said with a wry smile before adding “Didn't make dear mom and dad as proud as my sister so I moved out early...you know the Family's Black Sheep and all that”

The doctor seemingly accepted the explanation and nodded.

“Ok Ms. Lance since you're next of kin I would like to go over future treatment for your sister medication and such then you all can go see her until then she needs the rest” 

Dinah-Laurel stood up and followed the doctor over to the nurse's station.

“Ok guess we're stuck here for a while Dinah you, Rene and Curtis can go home and get some rest we'll stay here”

The three newest members of team Arrow looked at Oliver with a look asking him if he was sure, Dinah and Rene never even met Laurel but they were a team, so they would be there if they were needed.

“I mean it go home and rest, Felicity, John and I are gonna stay here until Laurel wakes up” He cast a look over his shoulder in the direction where Laurel's room were before looking back with a tired smile “The city should have at least some of it's heroes ready to defend it”

They all gave him a nod before getting up to leave.

Curtis stepped over to Felicity and put a hand on her shoulder “She's gonna pull through” he said comfortingly a gentle smile on his lips, Felicity smiled back at him tearfully, the lump in her throat keeping her from speaking, she reached up and gave his hand a squeeze instead.

Dinah stood besides them looking over at Dinah-Laurel while she talked with the doctor, she looked like she wanted to say something but she didn't, she turned to Felicity and gave her a kind smile.

“Call if you need us”

Then she walked out the doors with Curtis in tow, leaving the original members of Team Arrow in heavy silence, all three of them had no idea what to do with themselves, they had been here before, their friend in a hospital bed, they had been told back then that Laurel would be ok too, just like the doctor had just told them now and that had been a lie, they felt tension in their chest as they all had this horrible fear that this time would end like that too.

They stood around in silence like that for a while until Dinah-Laurel walked over.

“The Doctor says she should wake up soon and we can go to her room but we should do it a few at a time”

She then turned on her heel and walked down the hallway, the three of them hot on her heels, crying could be heard from Laurel's room as they got close, all of their hearts broke for Sara as they heard her sobs.

“We probably shouldn't over crowd her when she wakes up” Felicity said softly.

They all nodded.

“You go in me John and Dinah will stay out here” Oliver said placing a hand on Felicity's shoulder.

Felicity nodded at him stifly before turning back to the door and waking through it.

Her eyes landed immediately on Laurel's still form on the bed, she watched Laurel slowly breath in and out, the movement was so minute that it was barely noticeable.

She couldn't stop the way her chest tightened at the sight, her mind kept going back to the last time Laurel had been in a hospital bed, she looked just as small back then as she did now.

I Love You All So Much

Those six words echoed inside Felicity's head over and over, her own words back then had both been true, but they had also been a lie, a lie because she couldn’t get herself to change the we to an I, been too scared to be honest cause as she had looked at Laurel in that bed all her mind could think about how she had almost lost her and then she had.

Felicity had cursed herself for not even being able to say those three words.

Felicity forced the thoughts away, they didn't matter right now, nothing really mattered right now but the fact that Laurel was here, she swallowed the lump in her throat and walked over to the bed, where Sara was on her knees beside the bed, her hands clutching Laurel's limp hand holding it to her face.

She looked at Sara

She got down on her knees beside Sara and wrapped her arms around the other woman's shaking shoulders, she held her friend in a tight embrace not saying anything just holding Sara as she cried weakly.

“I'm sorry I'm so sorry”

Felicity almost didn't hear the words, they were so small and quiet that it almost sounded like Sara was just breathing.

“Sara this isn't your fault”

“Yes it is...I...I did this to her...I didn't mean to I-I...I just missed her so much”

“Sara what are you saying? I don't understand”

Felicity was lost, she heard the words Sara was saying but they didn't make sense, but she felt this horrible dread in her gut at the tone in Sara's voice.

Sara lifted her head up from where she had it rested on Laurel's hand, her eyes red and watery as she looked up at Laurel's sleeping face, she blinked away the tears and turned to look at Felicity's face.

Then Sara told Felicity everything, how she had gone after Darhk in the past, to kill him decades before he ever had the idea to hurt Laurel, how her single minded determination had put her team at risk, she told her how the Legends had fought against the Legion Of Doom to keep them from the Spear Of Destiny, how they had failed and the Legion had recreated the world in their image.

“Then when I held the Spear I-I saw her...Felicity I saw Laurel...she was right there in front of me...alive and breathing she was ok...she told...she told me that the spear had to be used to one who would fall to it's temptations”

Sara trailed off and Felicity could guess what she meant.

“And not use it to bring her back”

Felicity's words were soft and strained as if the words would break her if she said it any louder, Sara nodded and looked back at up at Laurel.

“I tried...I tried so hard to be strong...I tried so hard to live up to the faith she had in me I didn't wish for the Spear to bring her back...but”

“But you missed her and the Spear brought her back”

Sara nodded.

“...I just couldn't help but imagine her like that like I saw her there healthy happy and strong...alive”

Sara lets her head drop back onto the edge of Laurel's bed, prayers for forgiveness passing her lips like a mantra.

Felicity reached up and wiped away the tears stinging at the corners of her eyes, she reaches over and helps Sara up into the chair beside Laurel's bed before walking over to the other side of the bed and pulling the chair over so she can sit beside Sara on Laurel's right, she puts her arm around Sara's shoulders and they sit like that, waiting for Laurel to wake up.

After a few minutes Laurel starts to stir, first it's her eyelids fluttering, then it's her hand twitching and squeezing at Sara's and lastly it's small whimpers from the back of her throat.

Both Sara and Felicity look at her with wide eyes, neither of them say anything as Laurel's eyes slowly open up.

Laurel blinks awake, her eyes struggling to focus against the bright lights above her, after a few seconds her vision clears and she can see the ceiling above her, her whole body is aching but it's strangely dulled, her left arm feels weirdly constricted but her right arm feels free and more importantly she can feel hands holding her own, they feel familiar, she squeezes the hands tightly like a lifeline.

She turns her head to look who's hands it is, Sara and Felicity looks back at her with watery smiles.

“Sara?”

It's all she can manage to get out, her voice is small and weak so she has to practically push the word out.

“Yeah it's me” Sara says, her own voice rough from crying.

“I don't understand..you...you were-how are you here?” 

Laurel’s fuzzy mind tried to understand how her little sister could be here, Sara was supposed to be with the Legends out somewhere in Time and Space.

“That doesn't matter I'm here now”

Sara squeezed Laurel's hand as she spoke, fearing Laurel would disappear into thin air if she didn’t hold on tight enough, without thinking about it Laurel squeezed back.

Laurel still didn't understand, Why was Sara here? Why was Felicity here? Laurel tried to remember where she was but her mind was a fog.

“Where am I?” 

“You're in the hospital you were badly hurt”

“I was?”

“Yeah your left arm and ankle were pretty banged up and you had lost a lot of blood”

While Sara spoke Felicity kept her eyes on Laurel's face it was clear Laurel had no idea what Sara was talking about and Felicity's suspicion was confirmed when Laurel spoke next.

“My arm? How? Darhk stabbed me...the doctor said...”

Laurel trailed of she she turned her head to look at the damage, her eyes landed on the cast around her left arm and as if a switch had been flicked all the memories from earlier flooded back into her brain.

The machines monitoring Laurel's vitals filled the room with loud alarming beeps, her hand gripped Sara's hard enough that Sara actually winced in pain.

Her breathing turned erratic as her whole body started shaking.

“Laurel? Laurel?!”

Laurel couldn't hear who's voice it was, Sara's or Felicity's, they sounded far off almost unintelligible from the way her heart was pounding in her ears.

She couldn't breathe, she was back underground, back inside her coffin, back inside that cold dark suffocating abyss.

She felt hands grab her face and tilt it up, Sara's frightened eyes looked into her own, Laurel couldn't hear her voice but Sara's lips were moving.

“Laurel?! Laurel listen to me! It's ok you're safe! You're safe I got you!”

Sara kept speaking even though it was clear that Laurel wasn't hearing her, the fear in her sister's eyes were wild, almost primal.

“Breathe Laurel breathe”

Sara kept repeating the words over and over until Laurel started to breathe properly, Sara leaned her forehead against Laurel's.

“I got you”

The words were soft on her breath but still strong, they were all Laurel could hear over the sound of her own breathing.

Finally Laurel calmed down and got her breathing under control but she still held on to Sara like a life line.

“Sara” she whimpered out weakly, she wasn't sure what she wanted to say, she didn't know much right now, she was scared, she was scared she was gonna close her eyes and wake up underground again, she was afraid she was gonna close her eyes and not wake up at all.

“I'm here I got you you're safe I promise” Sara's words soothed.

“I don't know if you're real...”

Both Sara and Felicity's heart broke at Laurel's words, Felicity moved to stand beside the two sisters and grabbed Laurel's hand tightly.

“We are Laurel...we're right here with you”

“How?” Laurel was crying again “I don't understand I...I died...I” her voice broke over the word and her body was wracked with sobs “How am I here?”

If she hadn't been shaking so much with tears Laurel might have felt the way Sara stiffened at her question but she didn't.

Sara wrapped her arms tighter around Laurel and felt Felicity's arms wrap around them both, they stayed like that until Laurel's sobs died down and her body stopped heaving.

“Laurel...I...” Sara moved back so she could look into Laurel's eyes and tried to get the words past her lips.

“I...I have to tell you something”

Laurel looked at her with confusion and apprehension.

“I'm the reason you're back”

She told Laurel everything, told her about how she had gone after Darhk and how Professor Stein had tried convinced her not to, because she was a Legend and had a higher calling, but in the end when it came down to it she hadn't been able to move on, that when she had the Spear Of Destiny in her hands she had tried to do the right thing, tried to make Laurel proud but hadn't been able to not think of Laurel and that had been enough for the Spear to bring her back.

“I-I-I’m so sorry Laurel I’m so-” as she finished her story it was Sara’s turn to break down into tears.

She repeated the words over and over as she crumbled into pieces in front of Laurel, her eyes full of so many tears that she couldn’t even see Laurel as she fell into Laurel’s arms, her heart breaking even further when she felt her sister stiffen against her.

Then she felt Laurel’s arms wrap around her, Laurel didn’t say anything to her, she just held her tight as Sara cried.

Beside them Felicity let out a shuddering breath she hadn’t even noticed she had been holding.

“I’ll give you guys some space”

Felicity was about to turn and walk out the room when a hand grabbed her wrist, she turned back and looked down at her wrist where Laurel’s hand had gripped it before looking up into Laurel’s eyes.

Felicity could see the silent plea for her to stay so she gave her a soft smile and sat down in the chair beside the bed and held Laurel's hand.

They all sat like that for a few minutes, in the silence it slowly clicked for Felicity, this was real, Laurel was really here, sitting right beside her together with Sara, warm and alive, her pulse thrumming underneath Felicity’s fingers where they rested on Laurel's wrist.

In that moment Felicity’s heart felt too big for her chest.

The moment passed, disrupted when the door slowly creaked open.

John stood in the doorway his eyes wide staring at Laurel, Felicity felt Laurel’s grip on her wrist tighten when Laurel looked back up at the man.

It couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, but it felt much longer, that Laurel and John looked at each other, Felicity could feel Laurel’s unease, for the fraction of a second she didn’t understand but then Felicity remembered how Laurel hadn’t been able to look at her back in the cemetery, Felicity felt her heart ache, it was the same look in Laurel’s eyes.

Shame, as if she somehow had done something wrong, but before Felicity could do or say anything John broke the silence.

“Laurel...oh my god...Laurel”

Tears slid down John’s face and a watery smile appeared on his lips, one which Laurel returned as she felt the anxiety that had flared inside her chest when she had seen her friend stand there in the doorway, disappear.

“Dig”

Diggle crossed the room in so few steps and wrapped his strong arms around her diminutive form and held her in a tight embrace, Sara barely had time to move out of the way before being crushed between them.

Laurel tried the best she could to return the hug with her one good arm, but it didn’t matter as John more than compensated himself.

Laurel couldn’t help the small shuddering breath that escaped her as soon as John’s arms wrapped around her, couldn’t help the feeling of safety overtaking her as her friend held her, heart hammering as he softly whispered.

“It’s true you’re really here”

John moved back a little to study her, his face stuck somewhere between joy and disbelief as he took in her appearance.

“Yeah”

Her voice was weak when she nodded but she still managed to speak, John smiled again and pulled her close into another hug.

The hug broke when footstep could be heard from the doorway, Laurel looked up and stared into pale blue eyes.

Oliver looked back at her his expression unreadable but still full of so many emotions, the moment stretched on for an eternity until Oliver visibly swallowed the lump in his throat and his eyes grew shiny.

“Hey Ollie”

Oliver sprang into motion, as if Laurel’s voice itself made him move, in three steps he crossed the distance between the doorway and the bed.

For yet another time in the last hour Laurel felt herself being enveloped in strong familiar arms and hugged tightly.

She could feel Oliver let out a low shuddering breath as his arms tightened around her, the other three around them moved in and Laurel found herself in the middle of a group hug, on her right she could feel Felicity’s face in her hair and on her left beside Oliver was Sara, above her she could feel John strong presence.

She felt herself release a breath she hadn’t even noticed that she had been holding and then the floodgates were opened, she started crying, her whole body shaking from the force of it.

This was real, her friends, her family was really here, holding her, she wasn’t lost or alone, she was right here with the people that mattered most, holding onto her as she cried.

They sat together like that not even noticing time even passing by barely even noticing the door opening.

Dinah-Laurel looked over at them from her place at the door with a hard and unreadable look, Her eyes immediately found Laurel's as her doubleganger looked up at her.

The moment was broken when Oliver stood up, he turned to the woman at the door with a look of hostility, Dinah-Laurel returned his gaze with a look of annoyed disinterest.

Oliver was about to open his mouth and tell her to get out when he felt a hand close around his wrist, he looked back at Laurel.

“Ollie don’t it’s ok”

“Laurel...”

“Hey...” Laurel ignored Oliver and moved her gaze back to her double standing at the door “Sorry...about screaming at you I know you were just trying to help”

Dinah-Laurel’s eyes widened at the words, of all the things she had expected to hear those had not been among them, the look on her double’s face was so genuine and apologetic Dinah-Laurel quite sure what to do or say.

“Don’t...don’t worry about it I’ve taken worse” 

“Oh...still I’m sorry”

Again Dinah-Laurel had no idea how to react to the look Laurel was giving her, she felt suddenly very uncomfortable under Laurel’s gaze, two out of five people in the room was sending her glares, Diggle had never hid his distrust of her and Oliver had only ever reluctantly accepted her because he would still be in Slabside if not for her, but the worried look of her doubleganger was what made her uncomfortable.

“You literally clawed your way out of a grave not five hours ago and you’re worried about me? Now I understand why Felicity didn’t buy it when I pretended to be you...I could never be that nice...that’s serial killer levels of nice”

Dinah-Laurel hadn’t meant to say it, the last part, it had just slipped out, the other’s were clearly about to yell at her for it but before they could a laugh bubbled out of Laurel.

“Sorry...bad habit it’s much easier to talk about other people’s feelings than my own you know?” 

The situation defused after that, though Oliver, John and Felicity were clearly not happy about Dinah-Laurel’s comment they turned their attention back to Laurel.

A heavy silence fell on the room, none of them really knew what to do or say, the fact that Laurel was in front o them was still so knew and fresh that it made almost all other thoughts impossible.

Felicity had barely been able to take her eyes off Laurel ever since the other woman had laughed, the sound had been light and breathy but to Felicity it had been all consuming, she hadn’t forgotten what it sounded like but after being without it for two and a half years it felt like salvation.

She had thought she would never get to hear it ever again and then she had heard it.

How could that not be a miracle?

How could Felicity see Laurel as anything but a miracle right now?

The silence was broken when one of the on call nurses opened the door while knocking.

“Excuse me but visiting hours are almost over and considering the extend of Miss Lance’s injuries she really needs to rest” 

Her voice was kind but a no nonsense edge underneath, clearly this was not a woman to be trifled with.

All of them nodded but not one of them moved to leave, taking their eyes off Laurel the furthest thing from their minds.

That was until they all noticed the clear exhaustion in Laurel’s eyes, she was barely staying awake at this point.

“Guys it’s ok I’ll be fine”

Her reassurance didn’t reassure them since they all still looked uncomfortable with the thought of leaving.

“John...Oliver you both have kids to get home to you don’t have to stay here babysitting me”

“Lyla is watching John he’ll be fine without me for a little while”

“Actually William is at Disney World with his aunt”

Laurel let out a shaky breath, she didn’t want to send her friends away, she didn’t want to be alone right now...at all, but she didn’t feel right keeping them when she knew they had families waiting for them at home.

“How about this you three go home since we’re already violating the visiting hours guidelines me and short round stay since we’re Laurel's sisters and we can stay longer the you can come back tomorrow”

The four people around Laurel’s bed looked at Dinah-Laurel with looks raging from mild indignation from Sara at the nickname to harsh glares from Felicity, Oliver and John.

“You aren’t her sister you’re-”

“Oh didn’t you hear, Ollie? I’m the hereunto unknown third Lance sister” Dinah-Laurel said the nickname with as much condescending snark she could muster, which to be fair was a lot.

Before Oliver could argue further he felt a hand grab his, he looked back at Laurel who smiled at him, exhaustion even more visible on her pale face, Oliver gave in immediately.

John and Oliver took turns saying goodbye to Laurel, both of them hugging her so tightly that she saw stars at the corners of her vision, but she didn’t complain since she hugged them back just as fiercely, or as much as she could in her weakened state.

Felicity didn’t move to leave with the two, instead staying in her spot beside Laurel’s bed her hand in a tight grip around Laurel’s.

Laurel looked back at Felicity, not sure what to say to the intense stare the woman gave her, her eyes fell down to her mouth studying the pink lips as Felicity opened her mouth and closing it again clearly trying and failing to find words to say.

In the end Felicity gave up on speaking and instead moved in to wrap her arms around Laurel’s neck.

Laurel had been so focused on Felicity's mouth that the hug took her by slight surprise, but she quickly gathered herself and hugged her friend back.

Felicity held on tight to Laurel hoping that neither she nor her sisters noticed the way her breathing was uneven as she tried to keep herself from crying again, she tried to convince herself to let go, she was well aware that the hug was stretching out way longer that it needed to be, but she couldn’t stand the thought of actually letting go of Laurel, instead just taking a moment to take in the feel, smell and sound of Laurel.

Somewhere in the back of her mind the fact that Laurel didn’t go of her either registered.

“I’ll be back first thing tomorrow”

Her words felt like an oath, she pressed a kiss to Laurel’s temple without thinking and leaning back to look into Laurel’s blue eyes, her hands sliding down the other’s arms until the could grab Laurel’s healthy hand.

“I know”

Laurel’s words were gentle when they looked into each others eyes, they both almost forgot the fact that there were two other people in the room.

They were both rudely remind of that fact when Dinah-Laurel cleared her throat loudly.

“Right! I’ll just get going!”

With a squeaky high pitched voice and a blush to match Felicity stood up and turned to leave, which was made hard since she still hadn’t let go of Laurel's hand.

Fortunately she remembered to let go just before she pulled Laurel out of the bed, she spun around and looked at her stammering out an apology, she walked backwards toward the door rambling on apology after apology, stumbling into everything she could, including Dinah-Laurel, who in the end steered her out of the room and closed the door in her face.

Dinah-Laurel rolled her eyes as she turned back to the two Lance’s on the bed, she stepped back over to the bed and sat down in the chair Felicity had been sitting in.

Both Dinah-Laurel and Sara turned to look at Laurel who was still staring at the door Felicity had walked out of.

“Oh you two are still adorable” Sara smirked bemusedly at her older sister.

“At least now she can make mooneyes at her instead of making sad mooneyes at me” Dinah-Laurel drawled.

Sara turned to her with a raised eyebrow, clearly asking her to go on.

“The brief second she actually thought I was her” she nodded over at Laurel, who had managed to tear her eyes away from the door at this point and follow along to her sisters’ conversation “I honestly thought she was going to kiss me...called me a miracle even” she finished with an exaggerated eye roll.

“After that she was either angry with me for not being Laurel or sad that I wasn’t Her Laurel” Dinah-Laurel said the last two words in a high pitched whine clearly meant to be Felicity.

“Well shit sis you’ve upgraded from Gorgeous Laurel to Laurel The Miracle” Sara let the words hang in the air just grinning cheekily at her blushing sister.

“As fun as it is to make fun of Felicity and her thirst we have a lot to fill Laurel in on if we’re gonna make people believe that she’s been the DA for the last six month” Dinah-Laurel said seriously looking directly into Laurel’s eyes.

“Ok so it starts with this psychotic fuck who called himself Prometheus breaking me out of Team Flash’s illegal black site”

Dinah-Laurel started recounting the events of the last two years when Laurel suddenly sits up straight and exclaims.

“Team Flash has a what!?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up next weeks chapter will be delayed by a few days


	7. Alive

Next day Felicity woke up before her alarm was even close to ringing, she blinked wearily at the room around her, the first soft rays of morning sun shined through the crack between her curtains and bathed the room in light.

She had barely been able to sleep at all as her mind had kept repeating the events of last night, yet she reached out to her phone and looked at the damage report on her phone, it was still there, she hadn’t dreamt it up, which in turn meant she hadn’t dreamt last night, a smile grew on her face until her face was aching from the size of it.

Laurel was alive.

She was alive and Felicity had promised her she would visit her first thing today.

Felicity froze at that, she had to get ready! she jumped from her bed and hurried getting ready, in record time she was out her front door.

On her way to the hospital she may have driven a little faster than was technically legal, but there hadn’t been a whole lot of traffic on the roads so Felicity figured she wasn’t in too deep water, also she had somewhere very important to be, she had made a promise after all, a promise she was not about to break.

She parked her car in the hospital parking lot in such a hurry that she almost forgot to lock it, a part of her tried to tell herself to calm down, that it was already early but it voice was drowned out by the memory of Laurel’s face when Felicity had promised that she would be there first thing in the morning.

Felicity had to be there as fast as possible, she was not gonna let Laurel down, the part of her that tried to get her to slow down tried in vain to make her remember that Laurel would understand if Felicity didn’t stand by her bedside before the sun came up over the horizon.

In her haste she bumped into someone as she walked through the hospital’s front doors, she almost fell to the ground but managed to right herself.

She looked up to apologize to the person and saw that it was Dinah-Laurel.

“Oh Laurel sorry I didn’t see you I-”

“Don’t worry about it Smoak”

Felicity stiffened a little at friend’s hard tone and also the use of her surname, Dinah-Laurel hadn’t used it like that since before that had become friends, Felicity would have felt hurt but she reminded herself how quickly she had turned around and accused her friend of stealing Laurel’s Black Canary suit, it only made sense that Dinah-Laurel was cold towards her.

“Laurel I’m sorry...about last night I was wrong to accuse you of stealing the suit” Felicity forced herself to look into Dinah-Laurel’s eyes but the other woman weren’t looking at her so she continued on “You’re my friend and-”

“Forget about it” Dinah-Laurel bit out turning her head just enough so she could look at Felicity out the corner of her eye “I don’t care about that or you so just save it”

Then she stalked off in the opposite direction of the hospital, leaving Felicity to stare in shock at her retreating form.

Felicity felt as if she had been slapped across the face and punched in the gut at the same time, she figured she should be angry but she had seen Dinah-Laurel’s eyes as she had spoken.

She had been crying, Felicity was sure of it, she was about to run after her but a voice in her head stopped her, she had known Dinah-Laurel long enough to know that forcing a confrontation would not end well, for either om them, also Felicity couldn’t blame her for being mad at her so she decided to give her friend some time.

She turned around and walked into the hospital.

She knew the hospital well enough to know where Laurel's room was, the knowledge that she had been in this place enough times to know where everything was didn’t sit well with her but she shrugged it off, regardless it wasn’t as if she wouldn’t know exactly where Laurel's room was if she hadn’t been in this hospital before.

As she turned a corner and walked down the hallways where Laurel’s room was located Felicity saw Sara, the other woman had her back turned to her talking with someone, Felicity smiled as she immediately recognized the two people Sara was talking with.

She smiled and waved excitedly at Jax and Ray as she walked over two them, both of them looked from Sara to Felicity, their tense demeanor softened somewhat as the looked at her, they waved back in greeting.

The conversation they had had stopped abruptly as Felicity walked up to them.

Felicity could feel the tension of all three of them.

“Hey guys is something wrong?”

“No.”

Sara spoke swiftly, cutting off whatever the other two could possibly have said, Sara noticed the slight jump Felicity made at her tone and her face softened.

“Don’t worry Felicity everything is fine just Legend business”

“Oh ok”

“Laurel’s awake if you wanna go see her”

Felicity could see the offer for what it was, bait to make her leave, she nodded slowly and with a small wave and goodbye to both Ray and Jax she walked away, as she opened the door to Laurel's room and was about to walk through it she heard the faintest of whisper of Sara’s voice behind her.

“I’m sorry but my decision is final I’m staying...Zari is in charge now”

Felicity closed the door behind her before she had time to really absorb the words, but they were quickly forgotten as her eyes landed on woman on the hospital bed in front of her.

Laurel was sitting up, looking at something in her hand, she had clearly not even noticed Felicity had entered her room.

Felicity’s eyes followed Laurel’s line of sight the object in her hand, it was a photo but from her place at the door Felicity couldn’t see what it was a photo of, but from the tears in Laurel’s eyes Felicity could hazard a guess.

Sure enough, as she sat down on the chair beside Laurel's bed Felicity could see that it was a photo of her family, all four of them, it was from before the Queen’s Gambit had sunk.

Felicity reached her hand out and gently squeezed Laurel’s own, Laurel shifted slightly but gave no other indication that she was aware of Felicity’s presence.

After a moment of silence Laurel spoke.

“I can’t believe he’s gone….it doesn’t seem real”

“I know”

Felicity’s heart ached for her friend, she knew there wasn’t anything she could say or do right now to make the pain go away so she didn’t try, she knew all she could do was be there for Laurel while she grieved.

“And Sara’s quitting the Legends because of me”

Felicity tensed at those words, she had been friends with Laurel long enough, hell she had been a part of Team Arrow long enough to be able to see a mile away when some one was blaming themselves for something beyond their control.

She grasped Laurel’s hand a little tighter and tugged, making the other woman turned to face her.

“Hey that is not your fault you hear me? And neither is your dad none of this is your fault understood?”

Felicity’s eyes bore into Laurel’s for a second before Laurel’s shone with fresh tears and she looked way from Felicity.

“It feels like it”

“Laurel listen to me! What happened with your dad is not your fault! And Sara quitting the Legends is her decision you are not to blame for that you’re her sister and she loves you so don’t blame yourself for any of this ok?”

Laurel didn’t respond, she just kept her face turned away from Felicity, but her sniffles and uneven breathing gave her away.

Felicity moved so she was sitting on the bed, very mindful not to touch Laurel injured leg, she reached out and took Laurel’s face in her hands, turning her head so Laurel had nowhere to look but at her.

Felicity looked into Laurel’s watery eyes while she spoke calmly and firmly.

“Dinah Laurel Lance listen to me and listen to me good you are not to blame for any of this I know it might not feel like it right now but it’s true you are good and kind and don’t have a malicious bone in your body and if you don’t believe me then I’ll just keep on reminding you until you do”

They looked into each other’s eyes for a few long drawn out seconds before Felicity moved in and pressed her lips to Laurel’s, emboldened when she felt Laurel move her mouth against her own she moved one hand up to cradle the back of Laurel’s head while the other moved around her back to pull her closer.

Laurel let out a mewling sound as she felt Felicity take hold of her, her non injured hand moved up to grasp Felicity’s shirt pulling her closer.

Neither of them had any feeling of how long they kissed and when they had to break apart to breathe they moved away only enough to let the smallest breath of air between their lips before moving in again, neither woman had any thought for the world around them but themselves.

Even as consumed by their kiss as she was, Felicity took great care as she slowly lowered Laurel back to the inclined headrest of the bed, careful to not jostle Laurel’s injured limbs even as all her mind could focus on was the feel of Laurel’s lips against her own.

They kept kissing until the need for air was greater than they could ignore, the broke apart reluctantly and Laurel let out a small whimper at the loss, Felicity looked down at her through hooded eyes almost unable to keep herself from moving back in to kiss Laurel again.

Felicity drank in the sight of Laurel below her, her blue eyes dazed and unfocused, a blush across her cheeks as she breathed heavily.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long”

Felicity’s words were as soft as a breath, her eyes not leaving Laurel's, part of her fearing she had pushed too much, that she had taken advantage of Laurel in her weakened state, but the slow dazed smile growing on Laurel's face eased her worries.

“Me too”

The dopey grin on Laurel's face were immediately mirrored on Felicity’s for a second before she moved down and pressed her lips to Laurel’s again, both of them melted into the other as the world went away and for the first time since being brought back to life Laurel felt truly alive.

**Author's Note:**

> This is an experiment, this is the first chapter of a fic that is both the longest I have ever written and an attempt to both get back into writing while also trying write in a different way than I used to do, so it would be neat to hear what you think of it.


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